woman vs. wild

The chipmunks had to be stopped. They were cute last year, bounding across the backyard, popping their furry little faces up out of the grass.

Then, they dug a tunnel into the garage, churning up a pile of dirt so high it covered the lawn mower gas cans. Then, they developed a massive subterranean labyrinth through our yard. They dug through my bell pepper plant, unearthing it entirely. Then they started in on the flower beds, as evidenced by exhibit A below.


Like I said, they had to be stopped. What follows can be classified as inhumane. Call me Hitler, because that's who I feel like. I hope PETA is not reading.

Exhibit B, below, is an invention of my father's: a utility bucket filled with water; a few handfuls of floating birdseed; and a convenient onramp. In short, a death trap for chipmunks. I don't think I need to tell you how it works.

This morning, I found not one but two furry little creatures doing the dead man's float. God forgive me.