recipe for revenge

Last night, after I'd been asleep for two hours, I was awoken by a commotion. At first I thought maybe a cat was giving birth outside my window. Then I realized... it was the skanky neighbors, having sex on their screened porch. Nasty of all nasties. I don't even know who lives there, except for it is one small house divided up into three even smaller apartments. And the yard is in shambles, with yellowing PVC pipe lawn furniture stacked outside, rotting. Everything about them is disgusting.

I couldn't fall asleep for another two hours after that... until after 3:30 a.m. And I really cherish my sleep. I woke up feeling dirty, and incredibly pissed off. And I was in a bad mood all day... until...

Trey gets home from work at 10:30 tonight. One of the first things he asks is, "did you wake up last night?" Turns out he also heard the nasty next door racket.

In a whirlwind, we concocted this recipe for revenge.

1) Combine all rotting and past-expiration things in your pantry and fridge, such as: oatmeal, ketchup, flour, relish, kidney beans, applesauce, salad, marinara sauce, vinegar, banana peels, raisin bran, salsa, grape jelly and eggs.

2) Stir until blended.

3) Pour on your neighbors front step.

4) Run like hell.

I can already tell I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.